Architects of Future Monuments

I have been thinking about this for quite some time and I came across a wonderful article recently which only ascertained my thoughts.

"Institutions build professionals, but Parents are the Primary Architects in the development of character in Children".

Many a times, I tell myself that there is a pair of tiny eyes watching you always (not my conscience; but my daughter) and I need to be very careful as to what I am doing. This realisation did not hit me hard till a year ago. While I was driving her to the Music class, as always there was a most (in)disciplined motorist who drove past us and in all my frustration I yelled at him. Now this was completely absorbed by my daughter and later she yelled at another motorist in the similar fashion. Now, the reality that hit me really hard was - "Am I a role model for her worth emulating?" From then on I do everything possible to refine myself so that she carries forward good character and habits.

Now, coming to the topic - We (Parents) are the primary architects in the development of character in children. The only scripture that most children read is the life of their parents because they get to watch it from the closest proximity. The life of parents is the only Holy Book they will imbibe and the only Dharma they will follow. Sitting back and thinking, any new custom / practice that we come across our mind immediately races to the past and thinks how this custom or practice was done by our mother / grand mother. (This is because the camera in our mind has captured the complete episode in the past for future use)

It is indeed a huge responsibility, but then what you sow today you will reap tomorrow. It is a fine line as we need to refine ourself and not portray a pseudo model of one's self . A pseudo personality can be easily broken down and seen apart and these young minds are experts in it. The extraordinary citizens / people were developed in the cocoon of homes by responsible parents. We do hear many a times great people quote their parents' or grand parents' as their character seed. One good example is Mahatma Gandhi and his character. The primary architect of Gandhiji's character was his mother.Should we look at any other example to add to the topic?

I believe that a child need not be a topper for the child to be successful in life. Today we are witnessing the most biggest entrepreneurial revolution with opportunities in the most unexpected field- when people are faced with life's choices splitting into two roads - one, the easy and crowded and the other the tougher and less crowded, people take the less crowded and that makes all the difference.In every field people who lead are the people who have horizontal exposure with vertical expertise.People who usually make it to the top are those who develop themselves in Multiple Intelligence. Parental responsibility is to create more avenues of horizontal exposure to children which will help them to find their vertical expertise.

What I have inferred - Parenting is very much an art and we have to customise it according to the child's need. Children basically God's creation, have been entrusted in responsible hands (Parents)in the only trust that we will play our role diligently. This role / position of an architect is worth everything when we realise that we have an opportunity to parent a world - class citizen.

Wonderful Thoughts & Learnings

What these innocent minds have to go through and do we have the time at all to observe and identify this?

This blog of mine is inspired by the happenings at home recently.

Couple of months ago the comment that featured in my daughter’s school dairy –was “she was unsettled and seems upset”. This continued for the next days too. That Friday I got a call from the school stating “she has been unsettled for the last one week. She is upset about some thing and is refusing to talk it out. Generally she is a very happy child, but unusually she has been secluding her self from the other kids, sits in a corner and sniffs / cries to self”. The school was curious to know of any change at home or anything happened @ home. I answered in the negative and then they told me to observe my daughter over the weekend and let them know if I find anything out of the blue.

This incident shook me up. That weekend we took all extra effort to make her happy and observe her. (It was indeed a tough thing to do from a mother’s POV – to observe her own child) But we could not find anything. Then the next week, she was pretty normal in school. Later on we kind of understood that she was upset because some kid bit her in school.(as that was the only period that she used to cry to go to school)

Similar thing happened last week @home. I was running around managing / doing activities / chores. My daughter must have observed my face being a bit agitated / tensed. She came to me and said – “Mommy sit here”. I sat, and then she said “Amma u ok, amma u ok?” With tears rolling down my eyes I realized my folly. That was when I became more conscious of the functioning of a child’s mind.

It made me really understand how this Absorbent Mind as described my Maria Montessori works. Many people believe that the most important period of life is the age of university studies, but actually not the period from birth to the age of six is the most important phase of life. For that is the time when man's intelligence itself, his greatest implement, is being formed. But not only aptitude; complete personality is formed then.

The absorbent mind is divided into two phases. The first phase is from birth to 3 years old and the second 3 – 6 years. In the first phase the young child
unknowingly or unconsciously acquires his basic abilities. The objective of the child during this period is to become independent from the adult for all his basic requirements. The child learns to speak, to walk, to gain control of his hands and to master his bodily functions. Apart from the physical developments during this phase, the child’s mind which is like a sponge looks out for all the information that it can absorb and this is the most important aspect of human life. This absorbency function of the mind does not happen to this extent anywhere later in life. This also explains why my daughter asked / is asking me circumstantial relevant questions as if she was watching me keenly.

With this extra sensitive pair of eyes and mind watching us always – what should we as parents do? Should we act as though nothing affects us – NO!!! We have all the freedom to express what ever can be publicly expressed in front of the child – but we need to treat the child as an adult in the environment and explain to the child why mommy or daddy is upset and there is really nothing to worry about. The child needs that extra assurance from a reliable source – the parents – that everything is fine. At the end of the day – it is an Innocent, soft mind and the responsibility of helping it turn to a healthy good mind is in our hands.

After a long time...Things have changed and so have my interests

It’s been almost 2.5 years that I wrote last. I have been thinking for long that I need to write, but the desire failed to take shape. Today finally, I mustered all my interest and said "If not today then Never". I think most of life's situations are like that. We need to decide and move ahead with it.

This blog may not be coherent in its flow of thoughts, but what am planning to write is about the children of today. When we were young, we used to go to school, be loaded with books and home work, play with neighbors back from school, have dinner & go to bed. We used to wait for one "Chitrahaar" / "Chitramaala"/ "Sunday afternoon or evening movie" / "Oliyum Oliyum", etc. I remember well - we had to get special permission from my dad for watching the weekend movie when we had exams. (As the TV wire would have been cut off). During holidays, we used to go to our grand mother's place or aunt's place and that's it.

Today, education system is no longer linear. There are so many options for the parent to choose - Open School, Traditional Method of education, Montessori,etc. More the option, more the confusion. As a parent, I encountered this couple of years back (as early as my daughter was born). The situation was similar to LASIK surgery; there were only apprehensions of what would happen in the future without any solid proof / case study.

It’s not only parents but the children of today are loaded with so much of information in the school, environment that the pressure to win the race is there in them from the very start. Today the topics of discussion in schools range from “How was your weekend”, “Where did you go for the weekend”, “ Which movie did you see”, “ Which restaurant did you go”, “ Blur Café in Sathyam is good”, “Which Country are you going this year for your vacation”, etc. Am sure, I did not discuss any of these till my college days and trust me I did not know where Blur Café was till couple of weeks back. (Though am a native of Chennai). Imagine the amount of pressure (peer) that these kids are put through by the schools, parents, society and thanks to proliferation of media. I feel bad for them on one hand for the pressure imposed on them and on the other hand that they are not enjoying life as we used to and they are in a venture to build their Brand Image. The taste of pepsi cola @ 50ps, sweet candy @ 25ps, Arisi mittai, Ice Cream that was brought by the street hawker, Soan papdi on the beach still lingers on my mouth. Added to these were curd rice and maavadu that used to be fed by our grand mother / aunt / mom for all of us (all cousins), Vadams, Imli from the trees, pampering by grand parents, etc...Served as the topping of the cake. Today these kids do not get any of these.

As I am writing this blog, there are numerous thoughts flashing in my mind – some answered some unanswered. A single post is not enough to share all of them. I need to keep writing to share those thoughts frequently. Going back to the statement I made when I started this post, “If not Today then Never” – I decided, let me at least think, write about these young adults and do something for their good. At the end of the day we need to “ENJOY LIFE”

Miles To Go Before I sleep ....

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Poem lyrics of Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost.

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

This is Life....

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Science & Mythology

Am always stunned by the saying "inscrutable are the ways of God"...you never know when He walks next to you,when he shoulders you,when He comforts you & when He opens another door for you at the moment you least expect....This has happened to me many times in life...For those who believe in mythology ...God created this universe & for those who believe in science an atom is the origin...What is an atom...it is a smallest particle which no one can see through our naked eye - & so is God...a human cannot see God through his / her human eyes.One can only feel God or realise the presence of God.To see an atom one needs an instrument...& here to see God one needs an instrument called wisdom(knowledge)...An instrument is an apparatus / means to achieve a result,here a microscope helps to see a small atom in an enlarged way & in the same way Wisdom(self realisation) will help us to see the manifestations of God.

My First Friend

Every one gets a friend either in school or college...but my best pal has been from my birth - With no one's guess - My Mother....Seldom have I told how much I adore her & how much she has been a role model for me for what I am today...
My Mother - I remember the days when she used to mix food with her dreams & feed me...All that she would say was - be truthful, courageous & God fearing...In short she dreamt me to be a Go Getter & sans any pride I can say today that I am a Go Getter!!!All credit to my mom...I remember my school days when she used to come back from work & go through my Home Work note books & tear off page by page & with her usual smile just tell me - ur handwriting was not fine so pls write again..Today even if somebody says I have a good handwriting all credits to my mom...
She has been the heart & soul of our family...She has been a perseverant supporter to my dad during all his bad times without any quarms...Have seen everyone in my family trying to reach out only to her in our hours of desolation.But none of us have the generosity to go & appreciate her for all that she has done...She is a human being too...
One special character about this friend of mine - she is a fantastic judge - she can see people & judge them to the T by their appearance...& many times in my life this has turned out to be true to surprise...How many friends of mine has she warned me ..Sorry mama ii never listened to you at those times...now I regret...
I can go on writing about this angel in my life & I will keep writing...Just to complete this first post I remember some things tht she tells me very often - Theeinal sutta pun ullaarum aaradhu naavinal sutta vadu & innar seidhare oruthar avar naana nanalam seidhu vidal from Kural (sorry if its wrong) & Aim for the sky & You will reach the tree top!!!

Thanks Amma for all that you have been to me!!! I Love You so much with all my life!!! :-)